I had a very heavy realization. I had become like a sheep following others’ influence. I’m still not sure how to feel about it, if this is good or bad… but I am definitely uncomfortable.
A few examples:
- I took up business in college so I could “take over the company” (My parents’ company). This is not necessarily bad because I did gain invaluable knowledge and skills. My parents also sent me to a very good university. I’m just saying it wasn’t my first or second career path. I actually wanted to take up photography or law.
- I was influenced that to have happiness, it meant having all the money and provision. If my husband isn’t able to provide certain luxuries, that meant he was a bad husband. WHICH IS WRONG. I cringe every time I think about this mentality. (However, it would be completely different if my husband had the means to provide but chooses not to provide for the family – this would be alarming and a valid concern)
- I am selfish if I prioritize what my husband and I want for our family. Wrong again. Setting healthy boundaries is never wrong.
- To be a good Fil-Chi wife, I must help my husband in his company and be content working silently in the background. Wrong again.
I definitely know better now.
I am more than “the daughter of…”
I am more than “the wife of…”
This post was left in my drafts for two years because I was afraid to let people know I struggled with this for so long… but I am publishing it now because I am finally taking a stand, taking courage to walk on my own path and allow myself to be the person I am meant to be. This will also be part of my #selfdiscovery posts.
August 2020 was definitely a month of huge change. The circumstances brought about by the Covid pandemic allowed a lot of reflection, life planning, and the like. Because of my personal struggles and our family’s current circumstances, my husband and I were able to speak in length about our plans for the future considering the new normal and the global outlook. Results of the conversation – Renewed respect and trust. He has also given his support as I expressed my desire to have a possible career change.
I will still continue to help him in his company as he tasked me to oversee on a director level. We have also hired capable employees which allows me to have time to carry out other responsibilities at home, and work towards my personal growth.
Taking all of this day by day. If you were as confused as I am, it is never too late to start again!
Don’t blame anyone. Don’t wallow in failure or missed opportunities. What matters is that you start over when you can!