Since getting married last December 2015, it’s been quite a roller coaster. I was so pressured to live up to expectations people had of me. The first time I launched this blog of mine in 2016, I was writing in a tone which tried so hard to portray an image.. and that’s the reason why I decided to do an overhaul of every post published thus far.
Adjusting from single life to married life + motherhood was emotionally difficult. I was trying to fit ideal personalities/identities rather than staying true to myself. It made me overly anxious, full of self-doubt, and it took me close to 5 years to finally lose it.
However, I don’t blame anyone.. I choose to focus on moving forward.
2020 is a year of good change for me because this is the year I finally break free from those expectations. I choose to be authentic. I choose to be my own person. I am now going to live my life on my terms, deciding what’s best for my life and my family.
I am blessed to have married a man who holds my hands amidst all this. Of course we have our fair share of heartache and arguments.. neither of us is perfect. We fight sometimes but life with Jet has been a joy more than misery. I refuse to let other people convince me otherwise.
It’s #YuDeeOneForever.. It’s him and I against the world. God designed marriage that way and marriage takes a lot of work.
I would like to share my top 10 learnings which propelled me on this self-discovery journey:
- NEVER allow yourself to be defined by people’s expectations of you. You are not defined by what people expect you to be. You are what you make yourself to be.
- No one has the right to tell you how you should live your life/what to have in your life/how to raise your kids. You can’t afford something but people say you should have it? Don’t take out a loan just to get it. It is not worth it. If you are content with what you have, then that is just fine.
- Always be kind to others, no matter how they treat you.
- Always practice “want” vs. “need” mentality.
- Conflict about finances between you and your spouse is normal, especially if you and your spouse grew up with different lifestyles.
- Being married, you will always hear the phrase “become ONE”.. and that is easier said than done. often times, there will be conflict because you are still two different people trying to settle a decision on one thing. Conflict resolution is key. Be willing to talk with your spouse.
- Other people will often have judgment about your spouse & your marriage, but don’t let it get to you. Only you can know for certain how to be the best spouse in your marriage. (unless there is physical abuse involved)
- Having a baby is fun. Having two is bearable. Having three is like having a mini-zoo. It’s fun and I love being a mom but it is DIFFICULT. Also, no one has the right to tell you what kind of parent you can be to your children. (unless there is physical abuse involved)
- You will have phases in life. Never be pressured by what others have accomplished in their lives. You have your own timeline.
- Failure happens but it shouldn’t be the end of your efforts. Keep trying until you succeed. Don’t lose hope!